You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What a dumb baby whore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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