Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
