Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
