Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
