So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize