Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
