My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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