God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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