Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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