My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
