And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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