There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
