I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
