you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
