i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
