Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
