i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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