I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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