i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
