Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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