Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
