Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
