Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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