I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
