butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
