i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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