I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize