Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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