My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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