So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
