this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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