I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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