so that wasnt chicken after all
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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