Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
