I hate your face
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
