You can't motorboat a personality
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dear god my vagina.
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