You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
