She's JV to your varsity
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
