o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
