Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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