Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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