Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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