I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
