At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
