pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
