What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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