i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i've created a new STD.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
