Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
