i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
