you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
