Are we in a gay sports bar?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
