Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
