Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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