i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
