there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
