Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
