Who wears a wallet chain?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
