I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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