some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
