there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
love makes seman taste better
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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