I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you had me at cake vodka
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
