Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
