So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
