Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize