the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
