Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
