She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
