How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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