How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
