Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
