i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
